This is a commercial. You will understand the advertising in the end. IT CRACKED ME UP!!!!!!!!
Have you ever run into THIS kid at the grocery store? I think we all have at one time or another. I'm curious as to how you deal with it.
Me - my immediate internal reaction is to yank a knot in their head, but then I stop and think reasonably. . . . .and I give them 'The Stare'. Just call me "The Temper Tantrum Whisperer". I'll stop a kid from throwing a fit without so much as a word. It's the LOOK. I think I learned it from my own mom because she has it too. It only took me once as a kid testing that look to know that she meant BUSINESS. Of course, this was before it was against the law to drag your kid out of the store by their ear and tear their little hiney up out in the parking lot. Yeah - I was a quick learner. But the charm that this look REALLY has is that when it comes from a complete stanger, the kid usually doesn't quite know what to make of it. I don't think it scares the kids so much as it makes them stop their tantrum to ponder the look and what it may mean exactly. And I don't have to utter a word.
Once their was a kid sitting in the cart (about four years old) facing me (since I was behind them in line) while the mom was unloading the food onto the conveyer belt, and this kid was SCREAMING for candy. You know that candy that the marketers strategically place at eye level of every kid on the planet while the parents are trying to check out. Yeah, well this kid wanted some candy BAD. The mom, bless her heart, was moving as quickly as possible to get checked out and was calmly trying to reason with the kid that they had candy at home. This kid wasn't buying that line AT ALL. She wanted candy NOW! She was having a full-blown hissy-fit and it was progressing into an all-out tantrum. I couldn't take it any longer, so I whipped out 'The Stare'. She stopped immediately and slowly leaned back sorta half reaching for her mother and staring at me the whole time with questioning eyes and then she said, "MOM! That lady is loooooking at meeeee!" The mom turned to see what was going on and I just smiled at her ever so innocently. The Temper Tantrum Whisperer. That's me.
Comes in handy at Walmart. Let me tell ya.
When writing out the word 47, is it fourty-seven or forty-seven? I haven't a clue. I don't know how I've made it 47 years without knowing how to spell 40. I think my hand has automatically known for years without ever questioning the brain for this information. But suddenly, my hand stopped and said to the brain, "Brain. Is it fourty-seven or forty-seven?" as if the hand had never written the word before ever. I could so easily blame it on age. I mean, afterall. . . . I AM 47.
BUT, I remember once when I was in college writing a paper TOTALLY forgetting how to spell the word "does". I was absolutely stumped! My hand had gone on strike that day and left the brain fumbling around with "dos" or "duz" or "WTF"? I knew they weren't right, but for the life of me, for an entire afternoon, I could not remember how to spell a simple four-letter word.
What is WRONG with me?
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!
Have a drink for the Irish today! Any excuse for a beer, right? Oh - that's just me. Sorry. The Irish in me is showing. Yes, I'm Irish. And German. And American Indian. And Dutch. And my crazy grandma said her mother and father were Gypsies. And. . . well, you get the point. My mom always said that our heritage was that of a Melting Pot. That was her kind way of calling us Mutts. I'm cool with that. Cuz I've seen a lot of adorable Mutts in my day.
Monday Funnies - cuz I need cheering up.
Although I'm not a big Martha Stewart fan (her crafts and cooking are a little to fancy and hoitie toitie for me), I thought this was very funny. . . because. . . well, I AM a redneck. Shocking, I know. But the secret is out.
Martha Stewart's Redneck Tip of the Day - While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
This totally struck my funnybone. Do other folks have funnybones?
Headline news: Heather Mills 'So Happy' with $50M Divorce Settlement
"So Happy"!! For crying outloud! Divorce on ANY level sucks A$$, but let's be real. "So Happy" with a $50M divorce settlement? Who the Hell WOULDN'T be happy? I'd be delirious. Dancing in the streets. Singing from the mountaintops. Still, she said that because the baby only gets a measly $70,000 a year (in addition to the $50M) that SHE (being Heather) will have to UPGRADE her daughter from traveling B-class to A-class with such a sum. I think I need to sit down with Heather as a financial advisor so I can show her how the down-troddened, po-class of people manage to live quite happy and successful lives on just a tad bit less than $50 million dollars!!!! and how her daughter won't suffer with $70,000 a year!!!!
I tell you, when people get THAT much money, I think they lose touch with REALITY. The reality that the rest of the world knows all too well. Come on Heather! No one is going to feel sorry for you, girlfriend.
Headline news: Halle Berry Has A Baby Girl
Seriously, can you imagine how beautiful that baby is going to be?
Although, I've heard before that beautiful parents usually have unattractive children and that unattractive parents have the most beautiful babies. If this were true, then Halle's parents must have been knaw-your-arm-off ugly. (But I'm thinking that this is a fallacy)
BIG Headline news: Dancing With The Stars Begins Again Tonight
I must preface this section by noting that I'm not a huge reality-show junkie. I've NEVER watched Survivor or Big Brother - ever. (sorry Momma and Mo) I don't even know the names of the others. Oh - Amazing Race. Never saw it. BUT American Idol (once the contestants are finally picked) and Dancing With The Stars get me all excited and I can't wait for Primetime TV. I don't know what it is, but I just LOVE these two shows.
I'm a little leary about the celebrities they've chosen this season because I'm not horribly familiar with several of them. But then I'd never heard of Helio (the winner from last season) before he came on the show and I LOVED him and his infectious smile. And he and Julianne together were just such a perfect pairing. I personally think they should get together and have babies. What adorable babies they'd have. (Unless that nasty fallacy tale is true) I digress. Anyway, it means nothing that I don't know most of these people. I'll get attached. I always do.
I have to state this from the get-go though. I WILL be surprised if I get attached to Priscilla Presley (although I DO tend to have a soft spot for the elderly). Just looking at her face makes me twinge. It looks so so so. . . I'm grasping for a word. . . plastic. Similar to the dude on the show last year, Wayne Newton. I think they both should sue their surgeons. Both of them were attractive people before the surgery, even if they were aging a little bit, so I just don't get why they would do this to their faces. They don't look younger. They look clown-like. See:
BEFORE - Pretty
AFTER - Freakish
BEFORE - Charming
AFTER - Bozo The Clown
FRIGHTENING! I look at my wrinkles with a whole new attitude now. If I start feeling a little old, I just look at these pictures and think "This is my only option? Yikes." I'll stick with the natural look. It may be aging, but at least my cheek bones won't poke someone's eye out.
That's all the headline news I have for now. I must move on to more pertinent stuff now. . . .like if I got all my belly-button lint out this morning.
Now if THAT doesn't make you feel old, then I don't know what does.
Yeah - I just received an invitation to my 30th year class reunion. Stunning how long 30 years really is when you think about it. I broke out into a sweat, then I broke out my yearbook and started browsing at all the young, fresh, hopeful faces. That's when it hit me - how old I really am. Not because of the glaring wrinkles on what used be such porcelin white skin, but because my memory is failing me. I barely remember a handful of these people. Sure I remember the names (sorta) and the faces are vaaaaguely familiar, but what classes we had together and when totally eludes me. I have no idea. My brain has apparently discarded all of this information and has moved on. It's like I don't even include high school in my description of myself. I don't think about it at all. And it's not because I have horrific memories or anything either.
In high school, I was a middle of the road kind of girl, a little shy, a little nerdy (although I didn't realize it at the time). I thought I blended with all the cliques pretty well without ever becoming a part of one in particular. I had friends of all shapes, sizes, colors, and classes. That's kinda how I've always rolled. (That includes politics and religion as well) I got along with everybody pretty well. At least the ones that I cared about getting along with. There were some I shyed away from because I just knew I wouldn't like them very much. Then there were the "bad" kids. I stayed away from trouble too being the good girl I was. I had a handful of REALLY close friends.
Sadly, we lost one of them a year after high school. Another was in a horrible car accident and was left permanently brain damaged. The rest moved away to college. I've stayed in touch with these guys over the years, but not with any real regularity. Life just happens and you move on. And boy has it moved on. See what can happen in 30 years!! Frightening.
17 years old
I thought those glasses were in style.
47th birthday
Notice the crevices in thy face.
College, marriage, children, living in a foreign country, brief celebrity as a contestant on The Price Is Right, traveling, divorce, new business ventures, single-motherhood, soccer games, PTA, kid's graduating themselves, changes in careers, weight loss, weight gain, the list goes on. [On the whole weight thing, I believe I've come full circle. I was chubby in high school, then lost a ton of weight, kept that off until menopause hit me - now I'm back to my chubby weight. I think less still than high school, but still a little fluffy nonetheless.]
But I DO remember this very moment. My friends. Aren't they precious? We were all there picking up our caps and gowns. We were so happy to be graduating.
High School was 'Over and Out'.
Jimmy, Marty and Dennis.
Edwin is missing for some reason.
I didn't make it to my 10 year reunion. I remember wanting to go, but then the choice came down to whether I wanted a computer or the trip home. (This was 1988 and I opted for the computer) I think it was my ex's way of getting out of going. . . so he offered me something more tangible knowing that my practical side would win out. But I DID really want to go.
I was living in San Diego at the time and loving life. I'd lost about 40 or 50 pounds since high school. I'd traveled around the world. Lived in Japan for a couple of years. Had two gorgeous little boys. And I'd won a car on The Price Is Right. I thought I had tons to share (and show off). I was downright giddy. But I didn't go.
Then the 20 year reunion came around and I was in my late 30's. My 30's were not a good time for me. I was struggling after my divorce and trying to find my way and trying to raise my two boys the best I could and I was a real mess. I don't think I really knew it at the time, but looking back. . . . I wasn't in a good place. Not within myself. I was so focused on making sure the kids were good that it took me several years to get a grip on my life and figure out who I really was after my marriage fell to pieces.
[SIDE STORY - I had a boss once whom I adored and he used to HATE it when I would say "my marriage fell apart" or "he left me". He told me to say "I kicked that sonofabitch OUT" instead and to say it with conviction. That advice was the beginning of my way back to ME.] Also sadly, I've lost touch with this boss and have no idea where he is or how he's doing. But if he could see me now, he'd be proud.
Still again - I didn't go.
Now 30 years have gone by since graduation and a whole lifetime has passed. I've been through so many changes. . . AND the change. (heehee) And now I'm supposed to write some little diddy about me, my life since graduation, a little summary of sorts - and I have no idea where to start. Can I simply say that I've finally grown up? Then how would I explain my yellow Jeep? That's not grown up. That's somebody who still thinks they're a kid. What do I say that I've accomplished? I'm not rich and successful. I'm lower middle-class and a workaholic trying to reach middle-middle-class. THAT'S something to be proud of? I can say that I've raised two wonderful young men, but then so did most of my classmates, I'm sure. Would saying that I'm really happy with who I am now after all these years suffice? That seems a little boring. As much as I can talk, I'm at a loss to come up with five lines to describe who and what I am now, where I've been and what I've done. I've got "Reunion Diddy Block".
Help me!!
I don't typically look at videos attached in blogs - not sure why really. I just don't. But my oldest son sent me this and told me that I HAD to watch it. I was FORCED.
I think he knows my sense of humor and when I really will think something is funny. This is SO dang funny! Especially if you know Nickelback's Rock Star.
Apparently this guy does a lot of spoofs on songs. I haven't gone out to see anymore of them. But when I get a few minutes someday, I plan on it.
The guy is talented! Go check him out.
Wow - I have neighbors now - Thanks to Jamie who put a plug in for me. I appreciate it. I might just stick around and see how this Vox thing plays out. DeWitte and Jamie have been encouraging enough - thank you. But for now, I'm definitely just feeling my way around. I feel like a first-grader figuring out how to do the little things, like Edit and such (Although I'm fairly certain that a first-grader could figure it out faster than I do) but I'm doing okay.
One of my new neighbors, http://snoringkatz.vox.com/, had this link on her site that I was curious about. What is your true color? Apparently I'm brown. My immediate response was "How boring!!!! Brown? Really?" Cuz I was thinking that I'm much more colorful than BROWN. I surely thought I was a sunny Yellow or an artsy Orange or even Green since almost everything in my house is some shade of green. But when I read the description of Brown, I felt like it described me pretty well. . . . until the last sentence.
Donna, your true color is Brown!
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady. You really are a brown at heart.
Interesting how on the money it all fits me - although "brown at heart" is probably NOT something you'll hear me say about myself. EVER. It sounds rather. . . icky. Cuz you know what else is brown, don't ya? Yeah. It could also mean that I'm really "do-do at heart". And that doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy. Other than that slight brownish tint, I'm okay with the rest of it.
Maybe it's the reason I have a brown kitty kitty.
Meet Monkey, my confused kitty cat. She's brown too.
I have a blog on MSN Spaces where he, my boss, got me started into blogging. Then somewhere along the way, he switched to Vox. And being the nice guy he is, he encouraged me to switch as well. I created a mimic Vox blog of my Spaces blog, but I had made some really awesome friends on Spaces and I was so hesitant about leaving them. He suggested double posting, but heck, I barely have enough time to blog once a week the way it is. So this is my venture out into "double posting". We'll see how I do.
Nonetheless, this is for DeWitte. I thought it only fitting to give you all a tour into the strange little world that we work in everyday.
I precede this post with the self-proclaimation that I am a Work-a-holic. I've admitted it outloud and now I'm on my own 12-step recovery program. Step 1 is to look past all the unrealistic deadlines and demands and find the root sense of humor.
So I made yesterday "Show and Tell Day" at work.
Nooooooo - not really. But I'm silly like that. I DID, however, take my new camera in to show DeWitte and Jamie. (Jamie is a fabulous real-life photographer that I aspire to be like one day) And I went a little snap-happy. Sorta so ya'll can get a feel for what it's like day-to-day in what would ordinarily be a dull, geeky world of databases.
Here, for example, are a few of my coworkers. Do you see what deadbeats they are? Their brains are made out of cardboard, henceforth why I have to do so much of the work.
Seriously, all these guys do is stand around all day. Oh - and they have NO sense of humor either. SO serious ALL the time.
Speaking of no sense of humor. . . . Did you hear about the dude that got fired because he posted a Dilbert cartoon at his work last week? Yeah - that was rough. I'd SO have been fired years ago. This is our bulletin board at our office. Dilbert. Dilbert. Dilbert. Red Meat. Dilbert. Dilbert. Dilbert.
That dude's boss is in serious need of a humor-adjustment. Either that. . . or the cartoon hit a L.I.T.T.L.E. too close to home. Hmmmmm.
I particularly like the one I posted where the pointy haired lady blows a gasket when she got a whopping 3% raise after she'd done the work of three people. [That, my friends, is my REALITY at its finest]
Thank goodness posting it didn't HURT my job. It certainly didn't help it either. But that's how they roll.
For Christmas, DeWitte's wife, Jamie, got him a bobblehead doll in his likeness. It is so funny. I HAD to get a picture of Bobblehead DeWitte. I think I just like saying "Bobblehead DeWitte". When I want him to agree with me, I just take his Bobblehead and shake him so his head is bobbing a resounding "YES Donna, you're right. You DO deserve a raise."
Today, I made Bobblehead DeWitte have a seizure. I'm so mean.
Oh - speaking of me being mean. Lucky for me I had my camera with me today too. How lucky indeed! I got to take a picture of a truly rare phenomenom. . . . "DeWitte ON Time".
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I crack myself up. Or am I cracked up? Which is it? I don't know anymore.
Now this right here BLOWS MY MIND!! DeWitte is an Executive, upper-management, Vice-President. Yeah, he's up there. He's THE BOSS. Yet the dude in "Housekeeping" (That's what HE likes to call his janitor's closet) left DeWitte a nasty note on his desk because his plants had dropped a few dead leaves on the carpet and that DeWitte had best clean it up quick-like because "it's not part of his job". DeWitte being DeWitte and being a much nicer person than me, took his plants home and cleaned up his little mess. Me - that's not exactly how I would have handled that situation. But that's just me bein' real.
Good job DeWitte. But seriously, you should have gotten one of those other deadbeats standing around the office to do it for you. Look at 'em over there ducking in the corner hoping you won't notice them. Where the Hell is Scotty when they need "Beamed up"? Oh yeah, he's in the breakroom.
You'd think that we did nothing but play around here all day what with all the toys everywhere. What kind of professional outfit are we running here?
But no - we don't play. Not much. Sometimes we have serious discussions that are shockingly off the subject of databases and SQL scripts and customer requests. Sometimes we talk a little politics. Of all the candidates running for Presidential nomination, I think it would be much more interesting if these two were the running
Seriously. What do ya think? Huh? More cowbell? Or I caught you a delicious bass!
Well, that's just a small tour around the office. I didn't venture very far. There's more. But I had to get back to work. You know. . . the slave driver I have for a boss and all.
Thank goodness he has such a great sense of humor. . . . or he would've gotten rid of me eons ago.
Ya'll have a great weekend!!
