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"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "Are you going to come again next time?" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "How long will it take after you stick it in?" "You'll know it's ready when it pops up." "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!" "How many are coming?" "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!" "Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest." "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
Purchased from: Amazon
Rating: 10 out of 10 (Can I give this an 11 out of 10?)
Synopsis: Miller, the accidental memoirist who struck gold with the likable ramble Blue Like Jazz, writes about the challenges inherent in getting unstuck creatively and spiritually. After Jazz sold more than a million copies but his other books didn't follow suit, he had a classic case of writer's block. Two movie producers contacted him about creating a film out of his life, but Miller's initial enthusiasm was dampened when they concluded that his real life needed doctoring lest it be too directionless for the screen. Real stories, he learned, require characters who suffer and overcome. In desultory fashion, Miller sets out to change his own life—to be the kind of guy who seeks out his father, chases the girl and undertakes a quest. Along the way, he comes to understand God as a master storyteller who doesn't quite control where his characters are going. An unexpected bonus of this book is Miller's insights into the writing process. Readers who loved Blue Like Jazz will find here a somewhat more mature Miller, still funny as hell but more concerned about making a difference in the world than in merely commenting on it.
My Review: Well holy crap. Just after I thought my book life couldn't get any better after reading Susan Isaac's memoir Angry Conversations with God, I got my copy of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years in the mail. I could not tear through this book fast enough. Miller really knows how to put words together in incredible ways. AND, in addition to being an organic, funny, inspiring memoir, it was also a story about story, and if you know me -- I love stories. If you're someone who loves plot and character and conflict (all the things memoirists sometimes struggle with), you have got to get this book. Miller realizes his own story is lacking all the things that make great stories that we love to read and watch in the movies, so he sets off to make his story a STORY, letting the Master Storyteller scrawl across the pages of this life. It was so inspiring, I literally cried through the last hundred pages or so, especially during the stories about his friend Bob and his family. It made me want to evaluate my own life in relation to the elements of a story, and adjust things so that my life isn't just boring words on a page. It's my favorite book of the year so far. Seriously, you have to go out and read this book. Now. Do it. I'll be here when you get back because I want to know what you thought.
Borrowed from: the Sacramento Library (although, if someone wanted to get it for me for Christmas, I would love them forever and ever)
Rating: 10 out of 10
Synopsis: God in couples counseling? Sounds sacrilegious, but in the adept hands of comedian, writer and actress Isaacs, it's a success. Isaacs reached bottom at age 40: no job, no boyfriend, no home. Of course, she blamed God. So off they went to counseling with the ever-patient therapist Rudy. Isaacs moves easily between recounting her life story and her counseling sessions. She describes encounters with the Nice Jesus of her Lutheran upbringing; the Oakie Pentecostal church and the militant counselor; the Rock-n-Roll church and the Orthopraxy, Dude church, plus her rocky acting career and her love life, including guilt-ridden sex and Mostly Mister Right. Isaacs readily admits to being snarky, but she's honest about her quest and its conclusion. She's funny, biting, earthy and brilliant.
Review: I've been putting off writing this review because of just how much I loved this book and I don't feel like my review can do it justice. Susan Isaacs is a) raw, b) brilliant, and c) hilarious. The literary device she created —of taking God to couples counseling—worked perfectly and did a great job of giving the whole book a cohesive feel that is sometimes absent from memoir. The evolution of God's voice throughout the book is especially well done. Reading about the difficulties Isaacs went through in her walk with God felt so much more real than a lot of other Christian books I've read in the past. It's like she's, this is going to sound crazy, an actual person. She is refreshingly honest and I just fell in love with her story and the way she dealt with what came her way. And did I mention she's funny? Bitingly funny. I couldn't recommend this book more highly to all of my Christian girlfriends and to anyone who's disillusioned with the church. We ended up reading it for my book club and every single person absolutely loved it.
I updated my Amazon Store. I've managed to sell about $4 worth of stuff on it in the past three years. Well, $4 worth of profit. It's so low that Amazon won't mail it out. If you are buying, though (hint, hint) anything from Amazon for sure in the next few weeks (or anytime), send me the product ID info and I'll add it to the store. I don't think you pay any more for the item, but I do get like a penny or something for the referral.
Anyway - if you don't mind, please go to the store page and click on some products. I'm trying to figure out if Amazon is recognizing the "clicks" or not. It shows no clicks at all, which is certainly possible but also curious.
1) A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 225 West 42nd St. By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him. She directed him to an examining room and told him to uncover and someone would be with him soon.
He loved the thought of the table and the reclining chair and was really getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house offered. Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous redhead entered and found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand. "My goodness", she exclaimed, "I was expecting to see a foot." "Well," he said, "if you're going to complain about an inch then I'll take my business elsewhere."
2) A guy stops by to visit his friend. They talk for a while and then the friend asks, "My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go get me my sneakers please?" The guest obliges and goes upstairs. There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking. Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says: "Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have sex with you!" They stare at him and say, "That can't be!" He replies, "OK, let's check!" He shouts at his friend down the stairs, "Both of them?" "Yes, both of them!"
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette."
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank
a soldier"
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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